i'm a little scared.

i let you back into my life,despite the alarm going off in my head.

and now i'm sitting here,over analyzing EVERYTHING....again.

that song you sent me?

why that song?

why not ANY of the other songs by that band?

i'm feeling like you might actually regret walking away.

ha,right.

stupid girl.

you made it very clear.

we will never be together.

and guess what?

i'm gonna be okay with that.

honestly,if i'm being honest.

you're not good for me.

no matter how much i wanted you to be.

you just aren't.

someday i will find someone who is spectacular

and wonderful

and doesn't run because he's a scared little boy.

because that's what you are.

a scared little boy.

i will find someone much more mature.

someone who values me for me.

someone who doesn't want what i'm not willing to part with.

someone who's worth my time and who doesn't drunk text me.

someone who's not you.

letdown

all i can do is try

i can reach out

i can be an ear

a shoulder

a friend

but i will not overstep my boundaries

and it will be up to you to make the next move

why am i surprised,honestly?

the pattern repeats.

In the glory of your presence

I find rest for my soul

In the depths of Your love

I find peace makes me whole

I love, I love, I love Your presence

I love, I love, I love Your presence

I love, I love, I love You Jesus

I love, I love, I love Your presence

I have recently realized (alliteration,what!) that the ocean is a spectacular physical representation of God. I both fear and love the ocean, I both fear and love God. The ocean is bigger than I, more powerful than I. God is bigger than I, more powerful than I. I am in awe of the ocean's awesomeness, I am in awe of God's awesomeness. I am amazed by the ocean, I am amazed by God. I desire to be closer to the ocean, just as I desire to be closer to God.

Yes, there are a LOT of things the ocean can't do that God can.

But I feel PEACE when I'm in the presence of the ocean. The ocean is my biggest (literally) muse. The ocean is where I feel at home.

It amazes me that something so powerful and potentially violent can bring such peace to me.

I think I should go there soon.

i'm currently reading hotel on the corner of bitter and sweet
and it makes me want to write more
sometimes i get in these phases where i'll be super inspired, but am not in a time or place to write anything down
by the time i am ready to write, inspiration is gone
ideas, lost
i need to set a goal for myself
i need to give myself set time to write
set time to be inspired
if that means going for a walk with a notebook
then that is what i shall do
if only my schedule wasn't so hectic and unpredictable