here's the problem

before you,i was fine

i was great

and then you came along

and you were like,"oh hey,i like you a lot"

and i was like,"wow,that's great!i like you too!"

yay!

but then you tried to be noble and self sacrificing

so i opened my mouth

my stupid,stupid mouth

and you ran away with your metaphorical tail between your legs

wanna know the best part?

the best part is that while all of this was blowing up via text...

the only person i wanted to call

the only person i wanted to talk to

was you

fantastic,right?

not only did you make me fall for you

but you made it so that i turned to you for advice

that i counted on you for friendship

and then you disappeared.

i find you in every song about relationships

break ups

the most recent?

distant lands - mc chris

hey there,delilah - plain white t's

i never told you - colbie caillat

yeah,mc chris.imagine my anger when i heard that song.

it's weird not talking to you

i miss you

but i won't tell you that

i won't tell anyone that

because that's what i do

keep it in

keep it quiet

head down

heart locked

we'll see what happens in the next couple of weeks,won't we?

"one day, you will wake up with nothing but your 'sorries'

some day, you will get back everything you gave me"

paranoia sets in.

i'm painting a picture of you

i'm painting you as much more horrible than you really are

i'm painting you as someone of little importance

i'm a terrible painter.

even in my mind.

i told you i wasn't angry with you

but i think i might have lied

because,when i think about it

you are a horrible person

you knew you didn't want a relationship

yet you pursued me

yet you kissed me

you said things to me

things that i thought i would never hear

things that i thought people didn't think about me

too much thinking,methinks

my apologies

you did all of this knowing you wouldn't want to be in a relationship

and let's just be honest

i hope my roommate is right

i hope you come home for the summer and regret everything you said

i hope you regret hurting me

because i don't want to be with you

[anymore]

but let's be honest

i'd probably let you do it all again

why?

because i'm not a very strong girl

i'm not a very smart girl

and i'll fall for your stupid boy words

all over again

even knowing that you'll do it again

+44 - "the past is only the future with the lights on"

yeah,you'll hurt me again

and i'll let you

...if we're being honest.

i'm writing and re-writing messages to you

i'm telling you over and over and over how much i miss you

how much i hate not having you in my life

how much i hate just not being in touch with you

but i feel like i might just keep it this way

not because i'm a masochist

but because mayhaps things will be better without you

once i get past this hurt

my life will go back to what it was before

who cares if that makes me a coward

i think i can handle being alone

i will handle being alone

and mayhaps someday someone will come along and i'll let it happen

and mayhaps things will go horribly,horribly wrong

or mayhaps they won't

or mayhaps i'm being dramatic.

either way...

i don't want to feel like this anymore.

i am in hawaii

i am on vacation

beautiful beaches

warm,blue,ocean water

and plenty of amazing things to do

and yet, as i'm doing all of these incredible,new things

all i can think about is how much i miss you

and how much i want to be sharing these things with you

you're the first person i think of when i see a new thing

when i try a new food

when something hilarious happens to me

but i am so hurt

so deeply hurt by your actions,your words

or your lack of action

your lack of words

i insinuated that i would not have you in my life anymore

but i don't want you to be out of my life

i can't imagine my life without you

and if we can't be together

i guess,i suppose

i will learn to be content with being "just a friend"

even if it kills me

...and it just might.

your mind is made up.

and your choice really hurts.

i'm sorry you're such a pussy.

but i've learned a lesson.

and i won't let anyone in ever again.

my self esteem is at an all time low,

and i have you to thank for that.

well done,ass.

back

and

forth

back

and

forth

it would be nice if you made up your mind.

i can't help but put myself into the future.

i can't help but put you into my future.

and that scares me.

terrifies me.

distance is a good thing at this point.

but the summer is approaching.

in just over a month,you will be here.

and i will be here.

and i fear that things will move so fast that it will ruin us.

ruin me.

i am going to do my best to slow my thoughts.

stop my thoughts.

and just take this one day at a time.

even if i don't hear from you for a day or two.