i'm writing and re-writing messages to you

i'm telling you over and over and over how much i miss you

how much i hate not having you in my life

how much i hate just not being in touch with you

but i feel like i might just keep it this way

not because i'm a masochist

but because mayhaps things will be better without you

once i get past this hurt

my life will go back to what it was before

who cares if that makes me a coward

i think i can handle being alone

i will handle being alone

and mayhaps someday someone will come along and i'll let it happen

and mayhaps things will go horribly,horribly wrong

or mayhaps they won't

or mayhaps i'm being dramatic.

either way...

i don't want to feel like this anymore.